Once there was a very small duck with a very loud quack. So they called him Quackling.
Now, Quackling was clever and he worked hard, so he saved up a good deal of money. In fact, he saved up so much that the King himself came to borrow some.
Quackling was proud to loan his money to the King. But a year went by, then two, then three, and the King never paid him back.
“I’ve waited long enough,” said Quackling. So he took a sack for the money, and he started for the castle, calling,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
I want my money back!”
Before long, he came upon a ladder leaning against a wall.
“Where are you going, Quackling?” said Ladder.
“To the King for my money,” said Quackling.
“To the King!” said Ladder. “How wonderful! Will you take me with you?”
“Why not?” said Quackling. “One can never have too many friends.” And he called out,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
Ladder into sack!”
Quick as you can blink, Ladder was in the sack. Then Quackling walked on, calling,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
I want my money back!”
Not much later, he came upon a river flowing through a wood.
“Where are you going, Quackling?” said River.
“To the King for my money,” said Quackling.
“To the King!” said River. “How splendid! Will you take me with you?”
“Why not?” said Quackling. “One can never have too many friends.” And he called out,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
River into sack!”
Quick as you can wink, River was in the sack. Then Quackling walked on, calling,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
I want my money back!”
In a little while, he came upon a beehive hanging from a tree.
“Where are you going, Quackling?” said Beehive.
“To the King for my money,” said Quackling.
“To the King!” said Beehive. “How marvelous! Will you take me with you?”
Now, Quackling’s sack was getting full, but he thought there might be just enough room.
“Why not?” said Quackling. “One can never have too many friends.” And he called out,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
Beehive into sack!”
Quick as you can think, Beehive was in the sack. Then Quackling walked on, calling,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
I want my money back!”
Soon after, Quackling arrived at the King’s castle. He marched right up to the guards and told them, “I’ve come for my money!”
The guards went inside and told the prime minister. The prime minister told the King.
“Who does that Quackling think he is?” said the King. “Never mind. Just put him in the pit!”
So they put Quackling in the pit and left him there.
“Help!” cried Quackling. “I’ll never get out!”
Then he remembered Ladder. So he called out,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
Ladder out of sack!”
Quick as you can blink, Ladder was out of the sack. Ladder leaned against the side of the pit, and Quackling climbed out. Then Quackling stood there, calling,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
I want my money back!”
“How did that Quackling get out of the pit?” said the King. “Never mind. Just put him in the pot!”
So they put Quackling in the pot and set it on the fire.
“Help!” cried Quackling. “I’m in a stew!”
Then he remembered River. So he called out,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
River out of sack!”
Quick as you can wink, River was out of the sack. River put out the fire and flowed away. Then Quackling got out, calling,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
I want my money back!”
“How did that Quackling get out of the pot?” said the King. “Never mind. Just bring him here, and I’ll put him in his place—for good!”
So they brought Quackling to the King. The King tried to grab him.
“Help!” cried Quackling. “This is the end!”
Then he remembered Beehive. So he called out,
“Quack! Quack! Quack!
Beehive out of sack!”
Quick as you can think, Beehive was out of the sack. The bees rushed from the hive and started to sting the King.
“Help!” cried the King. He fled from the castle, and the bees followed. They chased him all the way to— Well, no one knows where, for they never saw him again.
“Hooray!” cried the people of the castle, and the prime minister said, “We never liked that King anyway.”
So they put Quackling on the throne and gave him a crown.
“Will you be our King?” said the guards.
“Why not?” said Quackling. “One can never have too many friends.”
Tips for Telling
On the second line of Quackling’s verse refrain, the stress is on the even syllables—“I want my mon-ey back!” That makes it a lot punchier!
I like to get my audience to join in on that verse. So, we rehease it ahead of time, and I tell them I’ll cue them when to come in. If anyone gets confused and jumps in at the start of a different verse—easy to do, since the first lines are all the same—I just keep talking over them, and they figure it out for next time.
To wake up the audience at the beginning of the story and make them jump, you can get soft and slow on the first line then explode with the ending QUACK.
Though I have yet to figure out any special way a ladder might speak, I like to give distinctive voices to River and Beehive. For River, I try to suggest the flowing and burbling of a stream. (Hard to give precise tips, there!) For Beehive, I add buzzing before, after, and even in the middle of sentences. (“ZzzzzzzzWhere are you goingzzzzzzz, Quacklingzzzzzz?”) And of course, later, when Beehive reappears without speech, I add buzzing just as a sound effect.
For the “into-sack” sequence, I actually blink, wink, and think—the latter by miming a light-bulb moment—to highlight those words in the story. Then I repeat these facial expressions exactly for the “out-of-sack” sequence.
Each time Quackling is in danger, I pause after “Then he remembered . . .” to give the audience time to figure out who and call it out. Someone always gets it.
“They chased him all the way to . . .” I enhance this by looking and pointing off in the distance—as if trying to see where he went—before turning back to the audience with, "Well, no one knows where . . .”