Skeeter and the Weasels
By Aaron Shepard
Reader’s Theater Edition #42
Adapted for reader’s theater (or readers theatre) by the author, from his picture book published by Skyhook Press, 2019
For more reader’s theater, visit Aaron Shepard’s RT Page at www.aaronshep.com.
Story copyright © 2005, 2019 Aaron Shepard. Script copyright © 2022 Aaron Shepard. Scripts in this series are free and may be copied, shared, and performed for any noncommercial purpose, except the texts may not be posted publicly without permission.
PREVIEW: One day Skeeter noticed there were a lot of weasels.
CULTURE: ——
THEME: Conspiracy theories
READER AGES: 9–12
LENGTH: 10 minutesROLES: Narrators 1 & 2, Skeeter (male cat), Ginger (female cat), Buster (male dog), Ratilda (female rat), Slitherwell (male weasel), Weasels 1 & 2, (Other Weasels)
NOTES: Takes place in a world made up mostly of cats and dogs, with the occasional odd other animal thrown in. For best effect, place NARRATOR 1 at far left, and NARRATOR 2 at far right, as seen from the audience. WEASELS can appear in various half-hidden positions looking sneaky and then “vanishing” when spotted. They could “vanish” just by turning their backs to audience. SLITHERWELL’s weaselly voice could be a Peter Lorre imitation. For a sequel to this story, see “Skeeter Saves the World.”
All special features are at www.aaronshep.com/extras.
NARRATOR 1: One day Skeeter noticed there were a lot of weasels.
SKEETER: (looks this way and that, discreetly)
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels at the office.
NARRATOR 1: There were weasels at the bank.
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels at the supermarket.
NARRATOR 1: Days went by, and everywhere Skeeter looked, there were weasels.
NARRATOR 2: They wore gray trench coats and purple sunglasses.
NARRATOR 1: They snuck and they slunk.
NARRATOR 2: They peered around corners and poked out of doorways.
NARRATOR 1: But if you looked right at them—
SKEETER: (turns head suddenly, with no luck)
NARRATOR 2: —they vanished in the blink of an eye.
SKEETER: (to Ginger, while looking this way and that) There sure are a lot of weasels.
NARRATOR 1: . . . said Skeeter to Ginger at the office water cooler one day.
GINGER: Weasels? What do you mean?
SKEETER: Weasels. Everywhere I go, I see weasels.
GINGER: (warily) Riiiiiiight. Listen, Skeet, maybe you should take that vacation you’ve been talking about.
SKEETER: But don’t you see them, too?
GINGER: (humoring him) Oh, sure I do. Weasels. Ha ha! Well, ah . . . see you later, Skeet.
NARRATOR 2: And Ginger backed gingerly away.
NARRATOR 1: After work, Skeeter started home.
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels in the lobby.
NARRATOR 1: There were weasels in the parking lot.
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels at the street corners.
NARRATOR 1: He reached his house, made dinner, and sat in front of the TV.
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels on the news.
NARRATOR 1: There were weasels in the TV shows.
NARRATOR 2: There were even weasels in the commercials.
SKEETER: (to himself) There sure are a lot of weasels.
NARRATOR 1: The next day, Skeeter’s boss, Buster, called him into his office.
BUSTER: I’m sorry, Skeeter. There’s been a change, a shake up, a shift, and a slump. You’re fired.
NARRATOR 2: As Skeeter turned to go, he spotted a weasel peeking from behind Buster’s desk.
NARRATOR 1: Skeeter walked to the park and sat sadly on a bench.
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels behind the trees.
NARRATOR 1: There were weasels by the picnic tables.
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels around the playground.
SKEETER: (to himself) There sure are a lot of weasels.
RATILDA: Hold everything!
NARRATOR 1: . . . said a voice above him.
RATILDA: Did you say “a lot of weasels”?
NARRATOR 2: Skeeter looked up, and there on a tree branch was a lady rat in a pink trench coat and purple sunglasses.
SKEETER: Yes. A lot of weasels. There sure are.
RATILDA: At last! Someone else sees them, too!
NARRATOR 1: The lady rat dropped onto the bench and took off her sunglasses.
RATILDA: Let me introduce myself. I’m Special Agent Ratilda from Rodential, the rodent mutual aid society. You’ve heard of us, no doubt.
SKEETER: Well, no, I can’t say—
RATILDA: Sure, you have. Our motto? “Get a piece of the cheese.” Right now, I’m on a secret mission. Top secret. Can you keep a secret?
SKEETER: Um, unless I forget and—
RATILDA: Sure, you can. I’m looking into an alarming rise in the number of weasels. They’re everywhere. But I don’t need to tell you, because you see them, too. So, what’s your name, cat?
SKEETER: I’m Skeeter.
RATILDA: (trying out name) Skeeter. Pretty dumb name, but you’re a cat, so it fits. So, Skeeter, how would you like to join me on this perilous and possibly fatal mission.
SKEETER: Oh, I don’t think—
RATILDA: Sure, you would. Follow me, Deputy Special Agent Skeeter.
NARRATOR 2: Ratilda put on her sunglasses, jumped off the bench, and started off.
SKEETER: (calling after her) But I’m a cat!
RATILDA: (calling back to him) Nobody’s perfect! Come on!
NARRATOR 1: Skeeter tried to keep up as Ratilda rushed through the park in long curves and loops.
SKEETER: What are we doing?
RATILDA: Following weasel tracks, of course. Here, put on these weasel glasses.
NARRATOR 2: She handed him some purple sunglasses. When Skeeter put them on, he saw that the park was crisscrossed by dozens of lines of arrows.
RATILDA: It’s the red arrows we want. The blue ones go to the rest rooms.
NARRATOR 1: Still following the arrows, they left the park and hurried down the street.
SKEETER: Where are they leading?
RATILDA: To Weasel Central.
SKEETER: How will we know when we get there?
RATILDA: You know, you ask a lot of dumb questions, even for a cat.
NARRATOR 2: In front of them was a big building with a sign saying WEASEL CENTRAL.
NARRATOR 1: Weasels were going in and coming out the front door.
NARRATOR 2: There were weasels in almost every window.
SKEETER: Oh.
RATILDA: Now, here’s the plan. We put on our weasel glasses so we look like weasels.
SKEETER: (helpfully) We’re already wearing them.
RATILDA: Perfect! Then we slither like weasels right through the front door. They’ll never notice us! Then we find the top weasel’s office and get to the bottom of this. Can you slither?
SKEETER: Well, I—
RATILDA: Sure, you can. Let’s go.
NARRATOR 1: Just as Ratilda had said, they slipped into the building with no trouble.
NARRATOR 2: They made it through the crowded lobby and past the busy elevators and started up the deserted stairs.
SKEETER: There sure are a lot of weasels.
RATILDA: (ruefully) Great. I had to get a cat on instant replay.
NARRATOR 1: They reached the top floor and carefully opened the door into the hall.
NARRATOR 2: There were no weasels.
RATILDA: (muttering) That’s strange. Where could they all be?
NARRATOR 1: Down the hall they crept, till they came to a door marked J. R. SLITHERWELL, MOST WEASEL.
RATILDA: (softly) This is it!
NARRATOR 2: She reached up, opened the door a crack, and peeked in.
RATILDA: (softly) All clear!
NARRATOR 1: They slipped in and took off their sunglasses.
SKEETER: (softly) What are we looking for?
RATILDA: (softly) The Big Plan.
NARRATOR 2: She scurried over to the desk and glared at the computer screen.
RATILDA: (softly) Found it!
NARRATOR 1: As Skeeter joined her, Ratilda clicked a file labeled BIG PLAN. The face of J. R. Slitherwell filled the screen and spoke in a weaselly voice.
SLITHERWELL: (as “offstage” voice) The Big Plan is almost complete. Tonight at midnight, every president, prime minister, king, queen, and other world leader will be secretly replaced by a weasel. The world will be ours! Weasels rule!
NARRATOR 2: The face in the picture froze in a victory sneer.
RATILDA: I knew it! I’ve been warning Rodential for years, but no one there believed me. Now I have proof!
SLITHERWELL: (now “onstage”) Not that it will do you any good. (snickers)
WEASELS 1 & 2: (snicker to copy SLITHERWELL)
NARRATOR 1: A secret door had opened behind them, and there stood J. R. Slitherwell and two tough weasels.
RATILDA: It’s a trap! Run for it!
NARRATOR 2: They raced out of the office and down the hall, with the tough weasels in hot pursuit and Slitherwell trailing after.
SLITHERWELL: Don’t let them get away!
NARRATOR 1: At the end of the hall was a swinging door marked DO NOT ENTER.
RATILDA: In here!
SKEETER: But it says—
NARRATOR 2: Before he had time to finish, they were inside.
NARRATOR 1: And there they stopped short.
NARRATOR 2: The room was filled with big machines, all humming and drumming.
NARRATOR 1: On the wall beyond was the sign NO EXIT, and in smaller letters, I WARNED YOU.
SLITHERWELL: (snickers)
WEASELS 1 & 2: (snicker to copy SLITHERWELL)
NARRATOR 2: At the sound of snickers, they turned to see the two tough weasels and J. R. Slitherwell.
SLITHERWELL: So, Rodential has sent the legendary Special Agent Ratilda to foil our plans for world domination. But what strange company you keep nowadays, Ratilda! Who is your feline companion?
SKEETER: I’m Skeeter.
SLITHERWELL: (trying out name) Skeeter. Dumb name, even for a cat. But it hardly matters now. It’s all over for both of you.
RATILDA: We’ll stop you yet, Slitherwell!
SLITHERWELL: (sneering) Is that so? And exactly how will you do that? (snickers)
WEASELS 1 & 2: (snicker to copy SLITHERWELL)
SKEETER: (looks around, then points) Will this do it?
NARRATOR 1: On the machine next to Skeeter was a big red button saying STOP THE WEASELS.
SLITHERWELL, WEASELS 1 & 2: (gasp)
SLITHERWELL: Don’t push that button!
RATILDA: Push it!
NARRATOR 2: Skeeter pushed it.
NARRATOR 1: The machine began to shake and rattle, then roar.
NARRATOR 2: It shook so hard, the whole room shook.
NARRATOR 1: It shook so hard, the whole building shook.
SLITHERWELL: Let’s get out of here!
NARRATOR 2: . . . cried Slitherwell to the tough weasels, and they vanished in the blink of an eye.
RATILDA: (to Skeeter) Ditto!
NARRATOR 1: Skeeter and Ratilda raced through the hall and down the stairs.
NARRATOR 2: In the lobby, weasels ran everywhere, while windows broke and plaster fell.
SKEETER: There sure are—
RATILDA: Just run!
NARRATOR 1: They made it out the front door and dashed down the street.
NARRATOR 2: A half block away, they turned—
NARRATOR 1: —just in time to see Weasel Central collapse into rubble.
RATILDA: Skeeter, you did it! You’re a hero! I’d give you a kiss—but you’re a cat.
SKEETER: (bashfully) That’s OK.
RATILDA: Anyhow, when the big cheeses at Rodential hear about this, they’ll make you an Honorary Rodent. Won’t you be proud?
SKEETER: Well—
RATILDA: Sure, you will.
NARRATOR 2: And Skeeter had to agree.
SKEETER: (just smiles)
* * *
NARRATOR 1: The next morning, Skeeter got a call from Buster.
BUSTER: Skeeter, there’s been a change, a shake up, a shift, and a jump. Can you come back to work?
NARRATOR 2: On Skeeter’s way to the office, there were no weasels at the street corners.
NARRATOR 1: There were no weasels in the parking lot.
NARRATOR 2: There were no weasels in the lobby, or upstairs either.
GINGER: Glad to see you back, Skeet.
NARRATOR 1: . . . said Ginger. She looked at him sideways.
GINGER: (warily) You’re not still seeing weasels, are you?
SKEETER: (cheerfully) Not anymore.
GINGER: (relieved, smiling sweetly) That’s good. You had me worried for a while! (more intimately) Say, why don’t we go to a movie this weekend?
SKEETER: (hopefully) And dinner?
GINGER: (smiling) Why not?
NARRATOR 2: . . . said Ginger with a wink.
GINGER: (winks)
* * *
NARRATOR 1: Days passed, and Skeeter didn’t see a single weasel.
NARRATOR 2: But he wondered, could it really be that easy to get rid of them?
SKEETER: (looks this way and that)
NARRATOR 1: Maybe yes and maybe no.
NARRATOR 2: But Skeeter had a feeling they’d be back.
SKEETER: (smiles ruefully at audience)
Skeeter and the Weasels
By Aaron Shepard
Illustrated by Anne L. Watson
